The End of Summers
I wrote this sometime in 2015 about a year after my mom died. It’s not necessarily well-written but I wish I could tap into the past with ease like I could before. I’ve sort of learned to block it all out. This essay isn’t too much focused on the death of my mom but I do find myself wanting to go there and write about her but something always stops me. I hate that you can’t watch a tv show or movie without one of the character’s having a dead mom. It’s such a cliche at this point, I feel like the topic is off-limits. Reply to this email if you have any thoughts on the subject. Sorry for the stark contrast from Monchhichis to this lol… gonna give y’all whiplash.
I miss going to Blockbuster in a t-shirt and shorts with my long, unkempt hair, and Hannah and mom similarly dressed. Hannah and I would have spent the day being lazy and watching cable at home, and my mom would have changed into her post-work comfy clothes. Friday nights were fun for me and Hannah during the summer because even though we had every day off, Fridays meant mom would get us fast food and movies and we’d spend the night watching them until she fell asleep. Afterwards, me and Hannah might watch another movie or watch one of our taped competition shows. One summer our favorite competition show was Legally Blonde: The Musical, then it was this interior design competition show, then there was The Next Great Artist, and then The Glee Project. God, we lived for those shows. My dad used to get home really late on Friday nights and we’d still be up doing whatever. He’d let the dogs outside and then go to bed. It was comforting when all the birds were in the nest, except Paige wasn’t there- but she never really was home on Fridays. Probably out gallivanting with one of her many friends. I would hang out with friends some days but mostly I would use summer as a way to escape from my social life. That was before I could drive so I didn’t have a car and there wasn’t really anything to do besides go to friends’ houses so I didn’t really feel like I was missing anything. Our summertime lunches consisted of frozen dinners, hot pockets, egg sandwiches, leftovers and diet Coke. Our days consisted mostly of television and Myspace. Me and Hannah would do different crafts when we were bored of that. We’d make collages, calendars, or mailboxes, or we’d look for something to paint from the garage- like a birdhouse or something. We’d decoupage boxes, or attempt to start a scrapbook. Sometimes I’d have to talk Hannah into doing crafts with me but most of the time she wanted to. Some week nights when both of my parents were home, me and Hannah would make popsicles out of different juice and soda combinations and make them try all the flavors. If we were feeling fancy we’d put grapes and other fruits in them. The ones made from juice were always good, but frozen Sprite doesn’t taste much like anything. If it wasn’t too dark out, yet, Hannah and I would sit outside in the back of my dad’s truck and talk and sing songs together. My parents were super paranoid we were going to get kidnapped so we could never stay outside too late. We were always bummed when they’d come outside to get us just as it was starting to get fun. We’d come in smelling like outside with dirty feet. I remember I was only allowed to ride my bike up and down the street, but for some reason I still had fun. Although, I would never do it for too long because Hannah couldn’t ride a bike and I’d want to get back to hanging out with her. We tried rollerblading but neither of us liked that too much. We weren’t very active those summers haha but you know, that wasn’t our idea of fun. Sometimes on the weekend my mom would take us to go swimming and that was always a big production and a lot of fun. On my dad’s days off we’d go to putt-putt or bowling or to play pool. Sometimes he would take us to the mall and we’d attempt to ice skate but most of the time we would just get Starbucks and watch other people ice skate and bet on who would fall down the most. Sometimes he’d try to take us to play tennis or basketball but one of us would always end up frustrated or crying. My poor dad probably wished he had boys. Those summers felt so boring but I’d miss them as soon as they were gone. In retrospect those were some of the best times of my life. The most I ever had to worry about was my parents fighting or my mom yelling at me to clean the house. We were all together and happy and things were simple. I would kill to be able to relive those summers. I would kill to have her back.